Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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