a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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