We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
