I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
