David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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