So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
