I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
