im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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