I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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