so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
