she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
