garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
