i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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