Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
