I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
