it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
