She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is my gift to your gina
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
