I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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