But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
