i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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