I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the day after is always just damage control
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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