she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
