I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize
