My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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