woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
