the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
