This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
