fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sober January is a disaster.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
