This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
