once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
