I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize