he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
