is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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