well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
