just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
