I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
