He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize