If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
