I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
