After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
