Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
