where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
