I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize