he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Couch. On fire.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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