im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize