I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
