so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
sex in a hospital.. check
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
