You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
