And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
