I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
