this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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