Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
