check it out our google latitudes are spooning
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
