i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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