My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
