I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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