My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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