Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
