wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
