she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is Oprah even human
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
