the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize