oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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