If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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