Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
