My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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