Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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