fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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