what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
