It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
