happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
