Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Someone came in the potted fern
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
