He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
