Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
