Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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