I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
