meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
