your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize