Well apparently he's into motor boating.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
