I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
