You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
