it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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