And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
