i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
