Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
