if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
