There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
