I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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