No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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