I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
