dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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