Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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