I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
