i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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