I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
