He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
