I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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